Additional Stories

SECTION 1 – Welcome Home (p. 3) 

Frustration and a sense of failure often occurs when parents are unable to soothe and decipher the needs of their baby.  Priscilla Dunstan, featured on the Oprah Winfrey show in 2006, presents a theory that suggests there are five sounds (across cultures and linguistic groups), each with a specific meaning, that are used by infants before the language acquisition period.  Although this theory has not been scientifically validated, it may provide parents of newborns (0-3 months) a way of deciphering the cries of their babies.  

According to Priscilla Dunstan’s Baby Language Theory, “Neh” represents hunger, “Owh” means your baby is sleepy, “heh” signifies discomfort (hot, cold, diaper change needed, etc.), “eair”, demonstrates lower gas pain, (often occurs during the 5 o’clock “grisly period”), and “eh” means your baby needs to burp.

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For new parents and caregivers who have not had a great deal of experience with babies in the past, and even for those who have, being mindful of the following can help to keep your baby safe and well:

SAFETY

·   Do your best to identify and satisfy needs of infant.

·  Always use an approved car seat for infants and toddlers

·  NEVER take baby out of approved car seat/carrier while car is in motion (if baby is crying, baby is safe!)

·  DO NOT fall asleep with infant in a bed or chair (infants lack the development abilities to avoid suffocation).

·  Keep small items away from baby to avoid choking – infant’s airway is no bigger than their little finger.

·  Once baby is mobile, cover all electrical outlets, remove lose cords and secure cabinet doors.

·  Be mindful of where baby is at all times. Do not to set down baby/carrier in an unsafe location (Countertop, near  

·  boiling water, car roof or trunk, garage entry or driveway, etc.), or stand near a hot stove with baby in a pack.

·  Avoid stomach sleeping.

·  Never leave baby alone during bath time.

·  Never leave baby unattended around pets.

·  Never punish baby. 

HEALTH

·  Be aware of postpartum depression signs – seek professional care if needed. 

·  Keep baby away from all forms of smoke! (Marijuana is a noxious substance which is detrimental to lungs and brains. Exposure through the placenta, air and breast milk has been associated with prenatal and postnatal problems such as difficulty regulating actions and emotions. 

·  Avoid newborn sleeping positions without proper neck support (car seat, baby swing, etc.) Removable infant car seats/carriers are meant to lean backwards- placing infant in carrier sitting upright on ground may result in death.

·  Do not ignore hunger cries or allow a newborn to cry for extended periods of time on an ongoing basis.

·  Keep crib clear of pillows, bumpers, stuffed toys and heavy blankets, which may cause suffocation. Mattress should be firm, and bed sheets fitted. Consider using sleep sack.

·  Refrain from kissing baby’s eyes, mouth and nose (to eliminate spread of germs).

·  Avoid overheating baby with too much clothing (infants have difficulty regulating body temperature).

·  Don’t skip regular doctor’s check-ups (keep a notebook of concerns as they occur and bring to visit for discussion).

·  Refrain from expressing anger towards baby.

·  Avoid adding rice cereal to baby’s bottle early on, unless directed by pediatrician.

·  Allow umbilical stump to heal fully (clean with alcohol) and fall off on its own – do not remove!

·  Refrain from using scented soaps and lotions on baby.

·  Do not feed honey or herbal teas from the garden to babies under 1 year of age to avoid infant botulism.

·  Be careful not to follow advice over intuition (no one knows your baby as well as you do). Be sure to bring up issues with pediatrician or other trusted professionals.

·  Use trusted resources when conducting research, including: Pediatric Hospitals; the American Academy of Pediatrics; and utilize local resources such as Help Me Grow (https://slohelpmegrow.org/)

SECTION 2 – Rhythm and Babies (p.5)

IDEAS FOR SOOTHING BABY: 

·  Hold baby gently

·  Talk low and slow in a reassuring voice

·  Pick baby up and walk, bounce gently, sing softly

·  Rock with baby in a chair or porch swing

·  Go outside for some fresh air and a change of perspective for you both

BABIES RESPOND TO RHYTHM AND MOVEMENT

o The mother’s heartbeat and breathing in utero is still comforting once Baby is born.

o  Rocking, swinging, being pushed in stroller…all these motions are comforting to Baby.

o Martha Chivens earned a masters in early childhood development and learned about infants’ little brain waves lighting up when being held and touched.

SECTION 3 – Advice (p. 7)

Carol Gin – “Intuitively, I believed that Tia was fine – she was eating normally, and she was meeting her developmental milestones appropriately.”

Our daughter Tia was born small – at birth she weighed only five pounds, nine ounces and had lost seven ounces by her one-week well-check.  At one month, her pediatrician showed me her place on the growth chart, and she ranked far below the average infant – in fact, I could see her length and weight placed her in the negative seventy-fifth percentile! Each monthly check-up during that first year was stressful, as our doctor seemed to become increasingly concerned about her lack of “appropriate” weight gain.  At Tia’s 8th month visit, our doctor’s concern increased, and I knew at this point that I had to do something.

Intuitively, I believed that Tia was fine – she was eating normally, and she was meeting her developmental milestones appropriately.  Her grandmothers were both approximately four feet, nine inches and under eighty pounds as adults and no one in either of our families was over five feet, six inches.  Our gene pool simply pointed to a petite girl. I began researching the growth charts our doctor was using and learned that the measurements were based on American children in the Midwest. I needed to find a growth chart for Asian children, particularly in the Southern region, where our families came from, as they are smaller than Northern Asians. This took a little time but was well worth the effort – Tia’s length and weight on the Southern Asian growth chart placed her at three percent! This information seemed to assuage the doctor’s fears.  At her one-year check-up, Tia weighed only fifteen pounds, but it was apparent she was developmentally ahead of her age and thriving, despite her small size.

Today, Tia is a collegiate gymnast – just about five feet, one inch tall and strong and healthy as can be!  I am grateful that I chose to do some research on my own, instead of giving in to stress and worry. There is no question that all families have different histories, dynamics and characteristics, and parenting is filled with ongoing challenges. I believe it’s so important to have the right perspective as we face these challenges. Seeking professional advice, listening to and processing the information we receive, yet having the discernment to investigate on our own and advocate for what we know to be true, is pivotal for our peace of mind. ~Carol Gin; 60+ years old; 4 Children; cosmetic company Director

SECTION 4 - Feeding Baby (p. 9)

“’Lactmed’ is a great professional online resource which provides safer alternative medications to consider when breastfeeding.”

In regard to maternal lifestyle choices, all substances and medications make their way into human milk.  The pharmacology and bioavailability of each varies greatly as well as their effect on maternal milk supply.  A great deal of research has been done on most prescription and over the counter medications, “Lactmed” is a great professional resource with an easy online searchable database.  The information is fully referenced from scientific literature and will provide safer alternative medications to consider.  Another online resource more directed toward the consumer is e-lactancia.org.  International Board-Certified Lactation Consultants (IBCLC) have reference resources specific to substances and human milk that can be shared with health care providers to help lactating parents make educated decisions.

Nicotine and alcohol are dependent upon the maternal blood concentration.  Each will peak after use and then decline as the body metabolizes the substances.  Lactating parents can time the feedings/pumpings around the usage of those substances to minimize exposure to the nursing child.  Young infants do not clear nicotine or alcohol at the same rate as adults, so it is best to limit exposure. Dawn Wilt; Registered Dietician; International Board-Certified Lactation Consultant

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“As a Nutritionist for the past 20 years, working with mothers and infants, I believe with certainty that there is nothing that will ever compare with Mothers Own Milk (MOM).  Unfortunately, some new mothers may not receive the right information and support early on, and obstacles may overwhelm their initial determination and prevent them from having the breastfeeding experience they had hoped for.”   ~Wendy Fertschneider, Registered Dietician, Public Health Nutritionist 

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Carol Gin – “Our pediatrician said David had the worst allergies of anyone he had ever seen.”

Our second son, David, seemed fine early on, but not long after his birth, I knew something simply was not right.  At about two months, he seemed to have developed allergies to just about everything!  While nursing him, his little legs would stick out straight as his face turned red, and he screamed in discomfort and pain. I tried my best to determine which foods I was eating that were not agreeing with him, and later, when he began eating solids, which foods seemed to cause the most harm to his body.

I remember one time while nursing him, putting a bite of egg in my mouth and before even having swallowed, he went from a calm demeanor to screaming and writhing with his legs outstretched.  I noticed that he even seemed to be allergic to water – with the dipping of one foot into the bath triggering his face to turn bright red as a rash developed.   His poor little head was covered with eczema and oozing with fluid - so itchy it caused him to scratch until he bled.

Our pediatrician said David had the worst allergies of anyone he had ever seen and prescribed large amounts of steroids as his treatment.  Upon reading about the many side effects and learning that the steroids simply treated the symptoms and failed to address the real problem, I was desperate to find another answer. 

My searching led me to a homeopathic doctor, who asked me a series of questions (which I felt to be irrelevant) about David and his personality and provided us with a homeopathic treatment plan.  I had previously been extremely skeptical about homeopathy but was so worried about David that I was willing to try anything.  Amazingly, within several days we noticed a marked improvement, and within a month he was completely healed.  I will forever be grateful to our homeopathic doctor for the help she provided for David, and I encourage all new parents to continue to search for a solution to any and all challenges which come along during the parenting journey. ~Carol Gin; 60+ years old; 4 Children; cosmetics company Director.

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“The first weeks of breastfeeding are critical for the synchronization of mother’s milk production and the needs of baby.  Once the supply and breastfeeding is well established (usually 4-6 weeks post-delivery) feeding baby breast milk from a bottle can provide a bonding opportunity for others while allowing mom a little time to rest. ~Wendy Fertschneider, Registered Dietician, Public Health Nurse

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Jenn Hoff, “ I looked down into his eyes and cried, ‘there’s something wrong with him . . . there’s something wrong with my baby!”

Many new mothers experience some anxiety and even difficulties related to the feeding of their new babies, but my experience went far beyond this.  At 20 weeks, the ultrasound of my oldest son, Parker, showed a small hole in his heart, barely the size of a pin prick. My Obstetrician did not lead me to believe it was cause for concern, which I’m grateful for.  It turned out, Parker suffered from a condition called Vacterl Association – a syndrome considered a congenital defect, which can affect multiple organ structures.  I knew there was a problem shortly after he was born when the nurse placed him in my arms for feeding. I looked down into his eyes and cried, “There’s something wrong with him…there’s something wrong with my baby!” Mother’s intuition had kicked in and the lifeless look in his eyes told me what his mouth could not.  He was whisked away and after a number of tests (and several days of anguish for my husband and me), rushed in for emergency surgery to connect his malformed esophagus with his stomach.  During this time, I was pumping my milk and the hospital was saving it for later use.  Parker was in the NICU for a month, during which time my milk was being given to him through a feeding tube connected to his stomach.  When we were finally released from the hospital, I continued pumping and both my husband and I took turns feeding him with a bottle (definitely an advantage of bottle feeding over nursing). At night the pumped breast milk was given through a feeding tube via a machine provided to us by the hospital.

When Parker turned six months, another big surprise came – I was pregnant again!  A wash of emotions passed through me, including guilt, as I felt Parker needed more time to be the primary focus of our attention.  When our second son, Mason, was born Parker was just 15 months old, and still taking quite a bit of our time and energy. I tried breast feeding but Mason wasn’t latching properly, and after five visits with a Lactation Specialist, I gave up and continued with the pumping and bottle feedings. After three months, the combination of two new babies (one with continuing health issues) and the extra time spent pumping breast milk, was taking its toll.  I knew that something had to give, and I stopped pumping and introduced Mason to formula.   I have to admit, I experienced guilt – both self-driven and from others around me, but was encouraged when my husband, Parker and I all ended up with the flu, and little Mason remained the picture of health!  As our Pediatrician said, “Looks like the formula isn’t hurting Mason any – he obviously has a good, strong immune system!”  ~ Jenn Hoff; Age 43; 2 children; Past Elementary School Teacher/Current Health & Wellness Coach

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Supplemental Resources:

https://www.dailyherald.com/article/20201229/news/312299949 -

New US dietary guidelines recommend that “babies should have only breast milk at least until they reach the age of six months.  If breast milk isn’t available, they should be given iron fortified formula during the first year.  Additionally, babies should receive supplemental vitamin D beginning soon after birth.”  

“Babies can start eating other food at about six months and should be introduced to potential allergenic foods along with other foods.  Introducing foods containing peanuts in the first year reduces the risk that an infant will develop a food allergy to peanuts.”

“Most Americans fall short of following the best advice on nutrition, contributing to obesity, heart disease and diabetes.  It is very important to make healthy choices, every meal, every day, from the start.  We must help our children develop a pattern of healthy eating as they grow, which includes lots of fresh fruits and vegetables and significantly cutting back on refined sugar, saturated fats and sodium.”

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Breast Milk Donations - 

By Lyndsay Day

"My donations were made through Mothers' Milk Bank, who donates milk to NICU facilities to save babies in need. They are a wonderful organization of caring people! The process is entirely fee of cost to the mother, whether donating or receiving breastmilk. While I have not experienced receipt of breastmilk, I would assume the process is just as wonderful as donating.

The process of donating begins by contacting Mothers' Milk Bank (1-877-375-6645) and requesting to become a donor. The organization will order a blood test, again free of charge to the mother, to ensure the health of the mother and thus the breastmilk being passed to babies. Once approved, and after gathering a minimum of 200 ounces, you contact Mothers Milk Bank by phone or email and a cooler is sent to your home. Upon receipt, you pack the milk according to instruction and arrange for FedEx pick-up, with all materials and shipment paid for by Mothers Milk Bank. They also provide additional storage bags for future donations.

Once approved as a donor, you will also be given email contacts. The individuals I emailed were Ellie Nguyen (ellie.nguyen@mothersmilk.org) and Rachel Robledo (rachel.robledo@mothersmilk.org). I'm not aware whether they are still currently on staff, but my point is you may correspond with the organization via email, should that be more convenient, with say, a sleeping baby in the room.

The organization makes it as easy as possible for donors and is always very accommodating. I donated breastmilk from the time Aria was 4 months old until she was 15 months old for a total of 4,077 ounces. The staff always reminds you it only takes 1/4 ounce a day to help a premature baby thrive. This is what makes donating so rewarding!" ~ Lyndsay Day; Age 32; 1 Child; Past Commericial Lender/Current Property Manager.  

SECTION 5 – Promoting Calm and Sleep (p. 11)

Dr. Nisha Abdul-Cader- “The temptation to bring the newborn to bed is strong but should be resisted.”

One of the very first challenges parents and their newborns face is getting into the rhythm of sleeping well - each with their own sleep space.  Some newborns are better sleepers than others, and with parents growing increasingly more sleep deprived as time goes on, the temptation to bring the newborn to bed is strong but should be resisted.

To greatly reduce the possibility of suffocation and SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome), creating a “safe sleep space” is highly recommended and consists of the following:

·  Firm, thin mattress

·  No bumper pads around edges of crib

·  No extra pillows, blankets, or stuffed animals

·  Do not overheat babies with too warm of clothes or blankets

·  Dress baby in sleep sack in lieu of blanket

~Nisha Abdul-Cader; Age 53; 4 Children; Pediatrician  

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Courtney Wilcox - “Our pediatrician recently suggested the Ferber method, and it saved me!”

"Sleep is so important and there are a lot of opinions about sleep training, or co-sleeping.  It’s very overwhelming, trying to figure out what to do with our young children! I have friends who’ve hired sleep trainers, purchased Snoos, and tried a myriad of other sleep training products and programs.   Our pediatrician recently suggested the Ferber method and it saved me!  Lily was still waking every 2-3 hours at 9 months, and shortly after trying the Ferber method, she is now sleeping ten hours each night – amazing!!" ~ Courtney Wilcox; Age 33; 2 Children; Stay at Home Mom

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Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems, by Richard Ferber, MD

The Baby Sleep Solution” by Suzy Giordianop. 

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"Kindness is tough when we’re sleep deprived.  We’re off our game.  Anger wells up.  Amidst these times of change we struggle.  The only thing we can choose in such situations is our frame of mind.  Neuroscience shows us that having a positive, hopeful frame of mind enhances our creative problem-solving abilities.  So, when you feel overwhelmed, take a moment to express your hopes about the situation.  Yes, there are lots of fears and concerns.  We don’t want to disregard them, but we don’t want them to narrow our thinking and undermine our joy." ~Don Maruska

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https://www.healthychildren.org/English/ages-stages/baby/sleep/Pages/Sleep-Soundly-While-Baby-Sleeps-Safe.aspx

SECTION 6 – Establishing Routines and Dividing Responsibilities (p. 13)

Guy Crabb – “We can all do our part, and pull together as a loving community, looking for ways to help those in need of our care and support.”

“I don’t have a father,” many kids would tell me at the start of a new school year.  Divorce is hard on everyone, and whenever possible, both parents must do their best to continue to show their child(ren) that they are important, worth making sacrifices for, and above all, loved. Parenting is a tough job, and exponentially tougher with just one parent. For those families without a father, finding another strong male role model who can help provide stability, encouragement and support, is so important and can be the difference between a child who struggles and one who thrives. 

Not long ago, a mother of one of my new fourth grade students came into the classroom and said to me, “You are it.  My daughter’s father is gone, and you are the man in her life right now.  I just wanted to let you know this and tell you she thinks so highly of you.”  As a teacher, I was sobered and honored by this proclamation.  Knowing I had the ability to make a significant difference in the life of this student made me more determined than ever to give her the guidance and attention she needed.  We can all do our part, and pull together as a supportive community, looking for ways to help those in need of our care and attention. 

~Guy Crabb; Age 65; 3 Children; NavyVeteran/Teacher/Historian/Writer/Innovator                     

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“Don’t be afraid to ask for help.  Don’t feel guilty for not being able to do it all.  No one can.”    ~Tanya Erbstoesser

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“Sometimes the best routines are those we aren’t even aware of. . .every night after reading my toddler son a story and putting him to bed, I went into the kitchen to do the dishes.  Imagine my surprise when he asked me to go and do the dishes, and promptly put himself to bed!” ~Justine Heinsen

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“What we know as the ‘nuclear family’ – Mom, Dad and kids – is crumbling across America.  And it’s partly because American fathers are increasingly rootless.  Today, 40 percent of American children are growing up without a dad.  That cuts across all races, socioeconomic classes, geographical areas, and every other distinction.  It’s even worse among younger adults.  When a woman aged 30 or younger gives birth, there is now a majority probability that the baby will have no meaningful, or consistent connection to their father." 

Them, by Ben Sasse, p. 37;

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"The new mother and father may have come from very different family systems and would do well to discuss the plan for creating their own “new family system.”  Consideration should be given to the use of technology  (including computers, phones, television and music) in the household, as well as the plan for family meals, holidays and vacations, financial priorities, etc."   ~Nina Truch, Mother of 2, University Professor

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“We live in a society where here are a growing number of single parents, female and male.  But the individual parent can always choose a friend to be another parenting figure, however limited their interaction.  This is why the categories of godmother and godfather are so crucial.  When my best girlfriend chose to have a child without a father in the household, I became the godmother, a second parenting figure.” All About Love, by Bell Hooks (p. 28)

SECTION 7 – Lullabies and Song (p. 15)

Hundreds of great lullabies can be found here:  https://lullabies-for-babies.com.                             

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“One upon a time,

When women were birds,

There was the simple understanding

That to sing at dawn

And to sing at dusk

Was to heal the world through joy.

The birds still remember what we have forgotten,

That the world is meant to be celebrated.”

~Terry Tempest Williams

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The magic of music can work wonders with our little ones.  Lynn Stafford, mother of 3, grandmother, and former teacher, reminds us of how wonderfully music works during transitions for children/students and times like riding in the car.  Wee Sing Raffi children’s music is a particular favorite of hers! ~Lisa Guy 

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“It’s so important to engage with your infant - say his name often and enthusiastically. . . sing to her many times a day!!” ~ Bridget Ready, Mother of 4, former Teacher

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Having patience with our children is so important, and singing this little “ditty” from the past can help to calm both parent and child: 

“Have patience,

 Have patience

 Don’t be in a hurry

 ‘cause if you’re in a hurry

 It will make you worry,

 So…. have patience, have patience, have patience. . .

My mother sang this song to me when I was young, and I in turn, continue to sing it to our grandchildren.  Bringing joy, calm and gratitude to every situation is so helpful to all involved.  As children grow, their excitement and impatience can bring with them a certain degree of stress but singing this song can make all the difference!

~Stacy Ballantyne; Age 66; 5 Children; 13 grandchildren; Past Official Superior Court Shorthand Reporter/Deposition Firm Owner

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Rita Mathern – “Making these little musical connections early on, helped our family enjoy each other in a lighthearted, happy way.”

Somehow, each of our four children inspired me to make up little songs or ‘jingles’ personal to him or her when they were babies.  Some were very brief and set to a familiar melody, like the Davy Crockett song from an early television show, or a tune I learned at Girl Scout camp decades before.  Each was definitely upbeat, even bouncy, and they had no discernable message beyond the connection they formed between us. 

One, however was composed with a specific purpose.  It was made up on the fly in an effort to distract our youngest while she loudly rebelled at being placed in a very hot infant seat in a very hot car (we spent several years living in Saudi Arabia!)  The song stuck, and she and I continued to sing it throughout her childhood.  It went like this:

Mommy:  Who’s my little Whosis?                              

Anne:       ME!

Mommy:  Who’m I thinkin’ of? (2ND time-who’s my turtle dove?) 

Anne:       ME!                   

Mommy:  Who’s my little Whosis?                                                           

Anne:        ME!

Mommy:   Who do I love?                               

Anne:         ME!

Making these little musical connections early on, helped our family enjoy each other in a lighthearted, happy way.  And I believe it led to a habit of relating musically throughout their childhood years, and even on into adulthood.”     ~Rita Mathern; Age 77; 4 Children; 3 Grandchildren; Past English Teacher/Mentor and Community Volunteer